Thursday, July 12, 2012

on life

Perception is a funny thing: whatever it is, you will only ever see/hear/know a fraction of the whole.
Let me backtrack a little bit...
I am of a generation where a lot has been handed to me on a platter. Don't want to sound horrible but where I'm from, we grew up without war or the potential of war in our country, education is free and when it comes to studying we are not limited by anything as to what we want to do with our lives. Fair chances for everyone.
Growing up was a massive fairy tale. This is not a given and the older I get and the more the society we live in changes, the more I travel the world and see other cultures and talk to people, I realise how blessed and incredible my childhood was.
What to do with all the freedom you've been given?
In my case I ventured out into the world, not being able to wait another minute to leave Austria :) I chose a path that's not been defined and is definitely not the norm. With a fashion diploma and too many internships (full spectrum amazing - horrible), a bible college certificate and so many odd jobs I can't even remember, I landed where I am today.
For the last couple years, I've split my time between costume work and tour life and a lot of times in between filled with jobs to keep my head above water and yet other times where I'm not working.

This is where perception comes in. According to a few friends I'm living the dream, whereas others see me as a complete lazy bum. It's always what people see at a certain time.
Last week I ran into a friend of mine and his first thing to say was, "What are you doing these days? Nothing I presume." I laugh it off with everyone who says stuff like that to me(this happens more often than you think), but in actual fact it hurts. What he sees is me not working now for a couple weeks, but he's got no idea what work entails once it starts and no concept of the constant worry if there will be another job, etc :) It's okay for me and what everyone forgets I chose it! Is it always easy? No, it isn't - I talk a little bit about the non working days here - but it's totally worth it.
Living in Austria, for the last two years, has been a constant stream of apologising and I'm just over it. I know that I don't fit into the stereotypical mold of what a 30 year old female in Austria is supposed to do (steady job, married and at least one child) and I'm sick of people explaining it to me over and over again. I rather not waste the energy of constantly explaining myself, it's exhausting. But it's not just all of that, now I have the audacity to go and learn another craft! (Millinery to be exact) How could I?! Anybody wonder why I don't want to live here...
Sorry for letting off steam here.
I love my life. There's no way around it. It's a privilege and not taken for granted. The places I get to go and the people I meet, I wouldn't change it in the world. God has blessed me beyond words.
Here's what I want to say to sum this up nicely... The next time you talk to a creative person, please be nice to them.  Know that whatever you're saying might hurt, no matter how much of a joke you thought it was and know that no matter what you say or the concerns you raise, it's something that is forever in the back of their mind anyway and they really don't need another nagging voice in there. Please be supportive, love them and know that there are other forms of living out there :)
Rant over, if you've made it this far thanks for listening x

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